Fred and George Live
by Galya
Summary: Chp 10up! Fred and George get a hold of a dictation spell and it is chaos. They interview Harry, Ron, and Hermione, in hopes of gaining info on a girl they like. Instead they begin an on going battle to get Ron to admit his feelings for Hermione and more.
1. She Wore a Purple Crown

Author Note: Okay F-Fred, G-George, R-Ron, H-Hermione, and HP-Harry, enjoy!

F-Hello, My name is Fred Weasly.

G-And, I am George his brother. We are trying a little dictation spell so bear with us.

F-We needed a topic to talk about so we chose Corona Macfadden. We decided that since Corona is no longer at Hogwarts, for three years now, that we must keep her memory alive!

G-Here, here!

F-And we want to enlighten you all with the wonderment and beauty of, drum roll please.

G-Drum roll.

F-Funny. Corona Macfaden, in She Wore a Purple Crown!

G-Beautiful title.

F-Thank you.

G-The first time I met Corona was a long time ago.

F-Ah yes. I remember it well. Actually, I don't. I was just born.

G-Mum and her mum went to Hogwarts together. So she is an old friend of the family.

F-Charlie and Bill used to play with her. They are our older brothers. But, she always made Bill cry.

G-Well, he was a little wimp.

F-He got over that fast though.

G-Probably because of Cory. Anyway, Cory's dad, Phineas, is Scottish and a Muggle.

F-But we still like him. Even if he is Scottish.

G-Cory has the cutest accent.

F-Corona's mother, Danae, met Phineas in the late sixties. They soon got married and had the genius goddess whom we know as Corona Macfaden.

G-Goddess?

F-Well, she is the epitome of all that is beautiful and perfect.

G-She _is_ hot!

F-Well, when she was really young her dad noticed she was performing spells far beyond her years. She once made Bill dance against his will when she was just four.

G-I wish I were alive to see that.

F-That's when they started to test her and came to the conclusion that she was, well, a genius! 

G-She is also a natural born shape shifter!

F-She's not a shape shifter you git! She's a body shifter. A Mutacorpi!

G-Whatever, technicalities.

F-Since she was young Cory had this talent to make any feature of her's to look like anyone else's. At first she could only do eyes and such. But, by the time she was twelve she could make herself look like anyone she wanted.

G-No need for Polyjuice people!

F-1 in a million people can do that! She's been featured in Warlock Weekly and stuff!

G-She started school at Hogwarts when she was eleven.

F-No really?.

G-And was placed in the esteemed house of Gryffindor. Alas, she left when we were just in our third year though.

F-Wait!

G-What?

F-Some of are readers may be wondering about the title.

G-We _have_ readers?

F-You see Corona means crown and her favorite color is purple. So, thus the title.

G-It wasn't my idea.

F-Now you may be thinking, "So she was this hot genius. Big deal!"

G-But we aren't finished!

F-Cory isn't your typical genius.

G-No bookworms here!

F-The girl knows how to party and can cause mischievous with the best of them.

G-Namely, us.

F-She has been the inspiration behind many of our early pranks.

G-But, the most amazing thing about her is her personality. So laid back and carefree. And of course her hilarious sense of humor.

F-Here is an example of what she is like. A boy approached her during the orientation one year and introduced himself. She said, "Hi, I'm Corona."

He said, "Oh you mean like the flames around the sun."

She said, "No! Like the beer!" and stormed off. 

G-You're making me miss her.

F-Another perfect example is through her touching and inspiring bond with one of the Hogwarts professors.

G-Yes folks we are talking about none other than Professor Snape.

F-For some reason she likes him

G-He hates her.

F-He hates everyone, probably even his mum.

G-Anyway, since she entered school, Potions was one of her favorite classes, next to transfiguration, because she is a shape shifter.

F-Body shifter!

G-I think she just likes to aggravate Snape. Speaking of shape shifting-

F-Body shifting!

G-Corona likes to play pranks even on the professors.

F-Oh yeah! She would transform herself into looking like any of the teachers that had just excused themselves and join their table.

G-She's gotten a lot better at imitating them now.

F-Back then she always got caught because she would laugh or call Snape her special name for him, _Sevy_.

G-They never caught her when she was being Trelawny. She's too weird in the first place.

F-Anyway back on Snape.

G-Oh yeah.

F-Neither of us has ever been in a potions class with her but the stories of what went on in there are legendary.

G-She once made Snape's hair turn into snakes!

F-I don't know why he tried to expel her. She was only trying to pay homage to the Slytherin mascot.

G-Yeah! And they weren't even poisonous!

F-And then there was that one time she tried to promote honorary "Snape Day". She tried to get everyone one to dress up like him and imitate his every move and remark.

G-Or the time she made Snape disappear for a week.

F-No one complained, except for Snape.

G-Well, anyway, in order to get a more in depth idea of what it was like we have three guests with us.

F-Please give a heart felt welcome to my little brother Ronald, his girlfriend Hermione-

R-She's not my girlfriend!

F-I think I see a friend that is a girl. Don't you George?

G-Yes, indeed.

F-But wait we are leaving out Mr. Potter!

G-Oh yes, and his most lightning boltness Harry Potter!

R-How come I didn't get a lengthy introduction?

G-Zap You-Know-Who and you'll get one!

F-Now, you three were present when Corona was made the first, and probably last, Professor's Assistant to Snape?

H-Yes.

HP-Yes.

R-Did you say something?

G-Now tell us what it was like?

R-Well-

F-Ladies first Ron!

R-Fine! Go Hermione.

H-Well, it was Corona's last year and was going to be Keeper on the Quidditch team our first year, but gave the job to Oliver so that she could be Snape's assistant.

HP-That was when we thought he was trying to kill me.

R-Now we know he's only thinks about killing Harry.

G-Continue Hermione.

H-Well she some how, I don't know how, got Dumbledore to make her Snape's assistant. I remember on our first day she was sitting, I mean floating in front-

F-Oh! I forgot! Corona is an excellent hoverer! Go on Hermione.

H-Well, she was hovering around like this purple meditating ghost or something.

R-I remember one time when she was floating around, Malfoy said something stupid to her and she didn't even grab her wand, but just snapped her fingers and he couldn't speak for the whole day! It was beautiful.

HP-She did a lot of things to Malfoy. Like when she gave him a love potion from her class book. She said, "It's the only way you're gonna get a girl." The look on his face was worth those twenty points we lost. No matter how many points were threatened to be taken from Gryffindor, or how many that were, she just kept at it. Like when it was a nice day, she would always suggest having class outside, even though she knew the his answer.

R-She got him to do it once, and the whole time she sang Muggle show tunes.

H-Well, it wasn't all her fault. Snape never actually let her help him. She was bored.

G-Now when she was singing these songs, did she look hot?

R-What?

G-I'll take that as a yes.

F-I think I should share with our readers that Cory didn't really need to be in school past thirteen. She passed all the OWLS and NEWTS to get out of school by then. She just kept coming back because she thought school was fun.

R-School fun?

HP-She's a genius; they're eccentric.

G-Now thank you Hermione, Harry, and his most royal pain in the read headed ass, Ron.

R-Nice.

F-Thank you for sharing your memories with us.

G-Remember the last end-of-the-year feast Cory attended. 

F-Of course.

G-Cory was head girl by this time, yet again for reasons beyond us.

F-Dumbledore finds her amusing.

G-Well as head girl, #1 in her class, and all around goddess, she asked to say a few words being it was her last year and all.

F-She stood up and said in her adorable Scottish accent, "I'm gonna miss yeh all so much. I will look back when I am really old and senile and wish for those days of fun and fit lads. And, mostly I will miss yeh." And she pointed to this random Hufflepuff boy.

G-She went up to him and asked his name. He said, "Cedric." He looked a little nervous. Then she said, "You know yer gonna be really hot when yeh get older. Oy girls! Get dibs now!"

F-And, then, here's the best part, she walked over to the professor's and said, "But seriously I will miss me favorite teacher in the whole world, Professor Snape. I'll miss yeh!" Then she began to cry, ran to Snape, and hugged him. He looked like he was about to die. It was great!

G-Then she tapped the air with her wand and a wrapped box appeared and she gave it to Snape and said, "I made it meself." Snape had to take it 'cause everyone was watching at him.

F-He opened it and in it was a little statue of him. "Tap it with yeh wand and say, 'Snap Snape'!" she screeched. He did and the statue started walking around his hand yelling out, "Ten points from Gryffindor! Ten points from Gryffindor!" The look on his face . . .

G-Priceless, there are some things money can't buy. 

F-I almost cried.

G-Me, too.

F-Well, that is our little schpiel about our beloved friend Corona Macfadden.

G-Tune in next time for: 'He Fancied Hermione, But Was In Denial!'

F-Good day.


	2. He Fancied Hermione but Was in Denial (P...

Author's Notes: Okay here's the deal, I wrote the first part with a purpose. I wanted to introduce one of my characters in a silly way. I never intended to have a sequel. But, everyone seemed to think I did so, here we go. I tried. I will only do the next part and that's it. I don't think I am very good at being funny, so have pity. F-Fred, G-George, HP-Harry, H-Hermione, R-Ron, and M-Molly. Have fun!

F- Hello again! I'm Fred.

G- And, I'm George! 

F-And this is-

G- Too doo dee doo!

What was that? Trumpet. 

F- Trumpet?

G-Yeah.

F- Anyway, this is "Fred and George Live!"

G-That would be us, again.

F- And today's topic is-

G-Why'd you stop?

F-I thought you were gonna do the trumpet thing again!

Oh. 

F- The topic is "He Fancied Hermione-

G-Too doo dee doo

F- Stop that!

G- Sorry.

F-He Fancied Hermione but was in Denial.

G- Ah, yes. And our guest today is-Where is he?

F- I thought you knew.

G-Well, uh, it seems we are having some difficulties, folks.

F-Yeah and right now we are risking our reputations by sounding completely stupid because our damn guest is late!

G-Where's Ron?

F- Probably didn't want to admit to everyone he likes her.

G-Ah! Proves my theory! He's in denial!

F- What do we do now?

G- Oh hell, let's interview Harry!

F- Yeah, Harry Potter! Harry! Come here please!

G- Yes ladies and gents give a round of applause for Harry Potter!

HP-What do you guys want? And why am I being tied to this chair?!

F- No reason. Now Harry, how long have you been in denial of your feelings for Hermione?

HP- My what!?

F- Your feelings for Hermione!

G- You do fancy her don't you?

HP-No!

F&G- Aha! 

F-A clear case of denial folks!

HP- But, I don't fancy her! Let me go!

G- Now what first attracted you to Hermione.

HP- I don't know her personality and wit- Wait a minute! 

F-You do find her attractive don't you?

HP-Ummmmmm

F-George, get Hermione.

HP- Why? What are you gonna do?

F- All you have to do is admit you like her and we'll let you go.

HP- But I don't-

F-Stop fighting it Harry. Ah, yes Hermione welcome.

H-Hi.

G-Hermione sit next to Harry please.

H-Why is he tied up?

G-No reason, now please sit.

F-Now Harry, do you find Hermione attractive?

HP-Ummmm

H-Well?

HP- Well, I wouldn't say I'm attracted to her.

H- Be that way.

G- Not doing so well on the "Suavometer" is he?

F- I don't know, let's check it shall we? Oh, it says you suaveness is between Ron's and a turnip.

G-Disgraceful

HP- Fine! I find her attractive!

F-Thank you.

G-You may go now Hermione.

HP-Can _I_ go now?

F-Not until you get over your denial.

H- But I'm not in denial! I don't like her!

G-Then who do you like?

HP-Ummmmm

F-You say that a lot don't you.

G-Just tell us who you like!

HP-No.

F-Then admit you like Hermione.

HP-But, I never-

G-Hermione could you come back here!

HP-Not again.

H-What now?

F-Harry has something he wishes to confess to you.

HP-No I don't!

G-Go on Harry. Now's your chance.

HP-Oh God! Fine! I like you Hermione. Now can I go?

F-Yes you can.

HP-Thank God!

H-You like me? But, you've never said anything?

HP-I didn't mean in that sense.

H-Then why did you say that? You are so mean Harry!

HP-They made me!

H-I'm not speaking to you!

HP-But, Hermione!

F-Ah yes another successful interview and diagnosis.

R-What did you guys want me for anyway?

G&F- Aaaaaah, our guest has arrived!

G-Folks give a welcome to our little brother Ron.

R-Um guys why are you tying me up?

M-Boys! Now stop that! Dinner is ready!

F-But, mum.

M-No buts! Now come along. And untie your brother!

G-But, he likes it.

M-Now!

G-Fine.

F-Well folks it was short, but we had fun. Please tune in for part two of "He Fancied Hermione But Was in Denial"

G-We'll get you Ron! Next time! Next time!

F- Good night.


	3. Harry Hype

Author's Notes: Um, pardon me but I have a little bit of repressed anger. When you read this you will know what I mean. Don't get me wrong, I saw the movie and I will be the first in line for the rest of the books. But, you have to admit somethings about HP get a little out of hand. And us Americans are pretty silly. If I offend anyone, I am sorry. This is all in fun. 

F- Hallo! And welcome to the Fred and George Channel. All Weasly all the time.

G-We were determined to finally have the last installment of "He Fancied Hermione But Was in Denial". Only problem is that Ron has magically disappeared. My guess is he is hiding under his bed.

F- We apologize folks. 

G-I need a hug.

F- But we will get him to admit his feelings for her if it's the last thing we do. 

G-Then it will be on to getting Harry and Ginny together! Hahahahahahaha!

F- We do however have a wonderful new segment for you, "Harry Hype" with Hermione Granger.

G- Welcome to the show Hermione.

H- Thank You. Glad to be here.

F- Now before we start the show can I ask you a question?

H- Sure.

F- Don't you think it odd that an eighteen year old Bulgarian Celebrity would ask a fourteen year old nobody book worm to a dance, without wanting a little something in return?

H- Does the girl have a wand pointing threateningly at two red headed twins as we speak?

F- As I was saying it isn't odd at all.

G- No indeed.

F- Um, well, without further ado, we give you "Harry Hype." Don't hurt me.

G- Take it away Hermione!

H- Thank you. As it is well known Harry Potter, the Boy who Lived, has lived in the limelight of the Wizarding world for some time now, but, not in the Muggle world. What if it was different?

F&G- Gasp.

H- What if Harry Potter was a household name with Muggle boys and girls of the world? What if they wrote books about him? About his life story? What would it be like? Would you like to know?

F- If you put your wand away.

H- Oh. Well, this is what the world of Muggle Harry Potter would be like. First it would start with the books, seven in all, coinciding with his years at Hogwarts. The first would probably be called Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, but in America probably called Harry Potter and the Digital Stone of Matrix Power. Or something along those lines. The books would be translated into many languages, including Texan. Millions of readers, young and old, would become obsessed with his world. They would throw parties on his birthday, dress up like him, make stupid remarks about him on TV shows like _Popular_ to show they are "with it." A film company would buy the rights to it before the first publication is cooled off from the printer. Then all hell will break loose! The illustrator for the American books, who seems to think cubism is still in style, will draw horrible pictures for the covers, and The Netherlands no matter how much we argue, will still have the most kick ass covers! Then the Christians will start banning Harry and his satanic ways, however they will look over the fact that in the bible and in the books the snake is the bad guy. Then when parents get a hold of the fact that their children are more interested in books than movies, they will beg Warner Brothers to make Harry Potter into a movie, so their child will have no imagination anymore! Then they will begin casting the film and decide even before the rest of the books come out to have the kids film them, one after the other, with no breaks. Then the children will be plagued with type casting, never be able to be anything else. And Daniel Radcliffe will be doomed to wear glasses in all his future cinematic endeavors. Also, seven hit songs, all sung by some busty young blonde will be written specifically for each movie, with insipid titles such as, "The Boy Who Lived" and "The Scar". The hype will be too much, and people will go insane thinking they really are Harry, and the amount of broomstick related accidents shall rise. Harry Potter will be declared bad for you health, so when the rest of the books come out, no one will care, except maybe two fans from Quebec. And those books will have to live up, or model the movie and have titles such as Harry Potter and the Crouching Lion Hidden Draco, or Harry Potter the Vampire Slayer! Back to you Fred and George.

F- Er, thank you Hermione.

H- No problem.

F- Who's Daniel Radcliffe?

G- Well, er,……. Oh look at the time! We need to go.

F- Thank God.

G- See you next time for the never-ending battle to get Ron to admit his feelings for Hermione. 

F- I don't know if I want my brother with her. She's scary. 

G- Why don't we make him declare his feelings instead to a cauliflower?

F- Works for me.

G- Until next time.

F- Goodnight.


	4. He Fancied Hermione But Was in Denial (P...

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Author's Notes: So, okay. H-Hermione, F-Fred, G-George, Gi-Ginny, HP-Harry, and R-Ron. Not as funny as the rest but I felt I needed to write something new.

F- Hullo! And welcome to Fred and George Live!

G-I'm George!

F-And I'm Fred!

G-And this is Fred and George Live!

F-I already said that!

G-Well, I'm saying it again.

F-Okay….

G-Well, we really don't have a topic today.

F-Or do we?

G-Hehehehe

F-You see Hermione is getting back from her little stay with Krum in Bulgaria or wherever he lives.

G-Yes indeed. And we are here with Harry, Ginny, and of course Ron, to see what she experienced and their reactions.

F-Truth be told, just Ron's.

G- Ron! Come here for a moment.

R-Why?

G-Because we have some questions to ask you.

R-Look I am not doing this okay! I don't fancy Hermione. I don't think she's pretty. I don't think of her other then a friend!

F-Yes, yes, yes. But, do you think she's cute?

R-Argh!!!!!!!!!!

HP-Maybe you guys should just give it a rest.

G-NEVER!

F-He has to admit he likes her!

G-Think of the ratings!

Gi-Look there she is!

F&G-Oy! Hermione! Over here!

H-Hi everyone.

F-Welcome back.

G-Now tell us what was it like? Were they nice? Were they very Bulgarian? Were they very French? Please, all the details.

H-Er, well, It was well, cold. They were very nice and very Bulgarian.

R-That is terribly fascinating.

H-Oh hush.

F-Tell us the truth now Miss Granger are you in fact Viktor Krum's girlfriend?

G-Inquiring minds want to know.

H-No, I'm not.

F-I see.

R-Can we go now?

G-Fine. Party-pooper.

R-So he couldn't seduce you in his hometown?

HP-Lay off Ron.

F-No keep going. This is getting good.

R-Sod off!

H-Are you okay Ron?

R-I'm fine! Can we just go!

H-Lord why are you so moody?

R-I'm not!

H-Don't yell at me!

R-I'm not yelling!

G-Sounds like yelling to me.

R&H- Shut up!

Gi-Er, guys your attracting attention.

H-I don't care. Look Ron if you have something to say, just say it. I am tired of you being so bitchy!

F-Yes Ron don't hold it in anymore. Be free.

R-Leave me alone!

H-Why are you so mad?

R-Well…you just go off and stuff.

H-So.

R-Well you are staying in some random guy's house and you barely know him and I just don't think that's right.

H-Let me get this straight. You don't think it's right? You wouldn't be jealous would you?

G-Gah! She said the "J" word!

R-I'm not jealous.

H-Good because you sounded jealous and considering you don't think of me that way you really wouldn't have any reason to be jealous right?

R-I have a right to my opinion!

H-No you don't! Maybe my boyfriend would, but I don't seem to have one!

R-Then what am I supposed to do! GO OUT WITH YOU?

H-YES!

R-FINE! THEN YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH ME!

H-FINE!

R-FINE!

F-What just happened here?

G-I'm not sure.

F-Er, well folks I think he admitted his feelings or something.

G-We are going to go now because my head hurts.

F-Goodnight.


	5. Slasheriffic

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Author's Notes: Based off of a conversation with my buddy Xenia. I don't hate slash. This is all in fun. F if Fred. G is George.

F-Okay, well do to some very odd events last time, we decided to not have Ron on the show this time.

G-He is going out with Hermione now. Our lives have no meaning. Whaaaaaa!!!!!

F-Well, do to this I thought why not go back into the archives of . . .

G-FRED AND GEORGE LIVE!

F-Lovely projection.

G-It's all in the diaphragm.

F-I was looking through what Hermione was talking about, concerning Harry in the muggle world. I was wondering if indeed it was possible for him to exist in the muggle world and still be as famous.

G-Yes, we went to a muggle library and used a compooter and went on the Internet.

F-It has nothing to do with spiders. Stupid muggles.

G-Yes. Well we looked up Harry Potter. Oh my god! So many sites!

F-Yes my friends, the muggles know!

G-And they have stories and pictures and look-alikes and parties and costumes and things called moovees all about him.

F-I was in awe.

G-As was I. We wanted to see what the stories were all about. You know, to see if they got them right and well . . .

F-We found a couple _interesting_ ones. 

G-Very _interesting_. They are known as slash stories. You know coupling of boy/boy and girl/girl. There are even some about us! 

F-Yeah getting it on with each other!

G-I knew the muggles were different but God! We're brothers for God sakes!

F-We looked up a lot of slash…. not because we liked it.

G-Indeed no. We don't play for that side of the team.

F-No, but of research for you, our audience.

G-Since we read so many we thought we could write one of our own.

F-Yes.

G-Not because we like to imagine girl/girl couples. Mmmmmmmmmm. Uh sorry.

F-Oh no. But because we want you to see what the muggles find……er…entertaining.

G-Yes, if you are easily offended, please divert your attention to our brother Bill while he drops a table onto Percy's head.

F-For the rest of you sit back, relax, and prepare for the fright of your life. Mwahahahahaha!

G-One day Lily Evans woke up feeling all alone. When would James ever notice her? She came to realize he would never look her way, being that she was so unpopular and timid. So she turned to the one person who could console her. Yes, Narcissa. 

F-Now Narcissa was dating Lucius who was secretly sleeping with Igor but only on the third Friday of every month. So she had no problem with skipping off with Lily through a filed of flowers hand in hand.

G-Narcissa and Lily instantly fell in love.

F-Aside from the fact that they were both completely straight.

G-Lily decided to tell James about this new direction in her life.

F-When he found out he was heart broken. So he turned to the two men who could fulfill his needs.

Yes, Severus Snape and Sirius Black. He had both _fulfilling_ him at the same time.

G-Remus felt left out being that Sirius was his bitch.

F-No pun intended.

G-So he wallowed in his self-pity. Which he seemed to do well.

F-The threesome, James, Sirius, and Snape snuck out at night to get their groove on. When out of nowhere appeared . . .

G-Harry?

F-Yes Harry. James' son.

G-"Sirius how could you!" Harry yelled, "Don't you love _me_?"

F-Sirius couldn't deny he loved Harry as well. Lupin appeared out of nowhere and declared he too loved Harry.

G- So they did the next logical thing and Sirius, Remus, and Harry got it on leaving Snape and James to weep in each other's arms.

F-"Harry you whore!" yelled a voice from over there. 

G-It was Draco Malfoy.

F-"How could you leave me for two old guys!?"

G-"Yeah and me!" yelled Ron who was holding Draco's hand, even though they always hated each other.

F-Harry realized he had made a mistake and invited the two boys to join.

G-James and Snape were crying still and so Harry invited them too.

F-Thus there was a large orgy going on the Hogwarts grounds.

G-Dumbledore could see it from his office window.

F-"Wait for me!" he called and jumped on top of the pile of bodies.

G-Lily and Narcissa, hand in hand, watched the orgy and took pictures as the sun set.

F-And the moral of the story is Voldemort and Hermione do not make a good couple.

G-Thank You.

F-Scarred? Hehehehe

G-Tune in next time for another amazing installment of Fred and George Live.

F-Next episode is titled Evil Snakey Men and the Women who love them.

G-Good night.


	6. Evil Snaky Men and The Women Who Love Th...

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Author's Notes: Forgive me for being really stupid here. Ahahahaha! F=Fred, G=George, D=Draco, P=Pansy, L=Lucius, S=Severus, V=Voldemort, N=Narcissa

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Chapter 6: Evil Snaky Men and the Women Who Love Them

F-Welcome back to another roaring installment of Fred and George LIVE!!!!!!!!

G-Today's topic is: Evil Snaky Men and the Women Who Love Them

F-Our first guest is Pansy Parkinsons. Welcome Pansy.

P-Hi.

G-Pansy is a fifth year. She is in the house Slytherin and is in love with Draco Malfoy. 

F-Now tell us about your experiences.

P-Well, I don't know where to start. I have fancied him for so long and he finally asked me on a date to the Yule ball last year. It was a dream come true that slowly turned into a nightmare.

F&G-No!

P-Yes, he always made up excuses not to be with me like, "Oh sorry Pansy, I can't go out tonight. I have some mudbloods to torture." Then I found out the truth. He was…… Oh, I…..I can't say it….

F-It's okay. We're here with you.

P-He ….he… had… had been really washing his hair!!!!!!

G-You're kidding….

P-No! His hair! I should of known. I mean I always knew he was vain, but it was too much to handle. How would you feel, waiting for hours for him to arrive when he is in his room stroking his hair, laughing happily with his hair. Complimenting his hair!

G-I feel you sister.

F-Let's bring out Draco, shall we?

G-Boo!!!!!

F-Draco Malfoy, welcome to the show.

D-Don't touch me.

G-Er, okay.

F-Now Draco, you have been listening to Pansy's comments. What is your side of the story?

D-I can't help it. My hair is more important then her. It needs a lot of attention.

P-Whaaaa!!!!!!

G-Look, you made her cry. How can you say that?

D-It is true. I can't help it. I have known this hair longer then her. I can't just abandon it. Split ends are not my style.

P-You heartless bastard.

F-Well, now we shall here from our next guest. Draco's mother Narcissa. Welcome Mrs. Narcissa Malfoy.

N-Hullo.

G-Hi. Heehee…..purty…

F-George! Snap out of it!

G-Oh sorry.

F-Now, ladies and gents Narcissa is married to Lucius Malfoy. Now tell us your story.

L-Well, I married Lucius when he was a lot younger and hotter. But as the years have gone by, he has gotten so crabby. It is taking its toll on his looks. And sex drive I might add.

D-MOTHER!

N-Oh hush Draco. 

D- Oh my god! Bad mental image. 

N-Well, as I was saying he is getting very sexless. He is so devoted to You-Know-Who. Always, "Sorry Narcissa, can't buy you those new suede shoes because I need to go do the dark lord's bidding." Or "Narcissa we must set an image. No muggle Versacci gown for you this year." Who could live like that?

F-Now, because of this, you have found solitude in someone else, haven't you?

N-Yes. An old friend. My dear Sevykins.

G/D/P-Aaaaahhh!!!!!!

F- Severus Snape could you come out here please?

G-Welcome.

S-Hm.

D- Ew ew ew. My mum and him! Oh my god!!!!!!

F-Now how long have you been having an affair with Narcissa Malfoy?

S-Why should I tell you?

N-Do it for me, Sevy baby.

S-Okay, pooh bear. I guess for three years now.

P- Oh my god! Draco just had fainted!

N-Leave him.

P- But….okay.

F-Now why did you begin having an affair with him?

N-Well, I'll just tell you this: Nintendo controllers, brownie batter, and Severus Snape. What more could you want?

G-Okay…I so did not need to know that.

F-Well, er, let us bring out Lucius Malfoy.

G-Welcome.

N-Hi Lucy!

F-Now Lucius your wife has something to confess to you. And to Severus I believe, isn't that right?

N-Yes, now Sevy, Lucy, I want you both to know I love you very much and you have excellent taste in black clothing. 

S-Well naturally.

N-But, Lucy I have been having affairs for some time now.

L-With Severus?

N-Yes.

L-Ew…

S-Hey…

N-Don't knock it till you try it.

S-What do you mean _affairs_, pooh bear? There are more?

N-Well, yes, before Severus there was Igor, then before him was Barty, and before him was well, what I am here to tell you both about.

L-This doesn't bold well.

N-I want a divorce Lucy so I can marry Voldemort!

Everyone-AAAHHH!!!!!!!!!

F-Voldemort could you come out please?

V-Sure. Hey Cisssssywisssyhead.

N-Hey pooky!

F-Now, Mr. Mort, how long have you been in love with Mrs. Malfoy.

V-Oh I don't know. For yearsssssss I guesssssss.

L-You're sure this is what you want?

V-Got a problem Luciusssssss?

L-Uh…..no sir!

V-Alright, well, sssssunshine of my exisssssstance, we better go. I got my getaway broom waiting out back.

N-Okay. Well, bye everyone!

F-Thank Mrs. Malfoy…I mean Mrs. Mort for being on our show. A Thank You as well to Ms. Parkinson, Mr. Draco Malfoy (George pick him up) , Mr. Lucius Malfoy, and Professor Snape.

G- Tune in next time…for, I hope, something less disturbing then this.

F-Goodnight.

****

Author's Notes: Read review! Oh I so insane!!!!!!! Ahahahahaha! Any ideas for the next episode? Am at a block…….


	7. Given A Little Something Back

****

Author's Notes: Sorry it took so long. But here is the next installment! Now only letters written by Voldemort and Ishtar are made up by me. These are all real fan letters or reviews I have been given. : ) Enjoy! F=Fred G=George This is all in fun. Don't wish to offend anyone. PS any typos in the letters or reviews where there in the first place and have been left intentionally.

****

Chapter 7: Given A Little Something Back

G: Hi and welcome too Fred and George LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

****

F: In honor of our seventh episode and 100th review on fanfiction.net (whatever that is) we would like to give a little back to our audience.

****

G: Yes indeed.

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F: Now we are going to answer back some fan mail and comment on our reviews from all you wonderful people out there!

****

G: By the way if you want to send in any fan mail please send to vlsnape@yahoo.com c/o Galya. She is the president of our fanclub. Don't be afraid of her threatening demeanor. She is very nice. If the moon isn't full that is. Enough about that. Let's get to the letters and reviews.

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F: First we have one from Micaela "Ryo" S. She says: _c-l engh f' m-ee!!! k-p- pstng, (snd m-ee a mail, pleez?) by_

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G: What the hell did you just say?

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F: Exactly what she wrote. Uh well Micaela, TY 4 YR LTR!

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G: Is that English?

****

F: Next is from HippieVenus who says: _ROFLMAO!!! That was halarious!!! Oy...That's it...this one goes on my favorites list!_

First I would like to say thank you for liking our story, but what is a roflmao?

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G: Sounds like a food like a falafel. One roflmao to go with a side order of humus please!

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F: Uh anyway thank you for reading HippieVenus! Our Next review is from Hermione Granger.

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G: Hey I know her.

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F: She says: _oreat! Absololutely great! Geez, I love Fred and George! They're one of my favorite HP characters and these is story is really them, I mean, you could almost taste their canary cream when you read it! Adorable! 50 points to Gryffindor for this great story! I loved it, really, made my laugh a lot and was so fun and easy to read. Lovely! Really! Keep writing!_

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G: Er…….did she just hit on us?

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F: Ew? Why would you want to taste our cream? I mean. Oh my god! Hermione!

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G: And what is an oreat?

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F: Must be the drink that comes with a roflmao.

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G: I am telling Ron his girlfriend wants to taste our……I can't say it.

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F: Anyway, on to the next review.

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G: Yes, please.

****

F: Our next review is from May J. Snape who says: _ROTFL!! Funny!_

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G: WHAT IS WITH THE ROFLS AND ROTFLS? 

****

F: Must be muggle speak.

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G: I guess so. But I thought they spoke English and such. Am so confused. Anyway that you for enjoying the show! Hopefully the next review will be relatively understandable.

****

F: Yes our next is from Harriet Potter who says: _Ummm... okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. Niiiiiiiiiiiice. Weasley, not Weasly. ::sigh:: Anyway, cool though. Too tired to be excited and nice about it._

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G: Well :P to you thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

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F: How did you do that?

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G: Do what?

****

F: The face! How did you say that face? I mean the :P thing. Woah! I just did it! : ) AH!!!!!!!!! I did it again!

****

G: Calm down. o.O

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F: Stop that!!!!!!! The faces! The faces!!!!! I can't take it!

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G: Okay….o.o;;

****

F: I'm warning you!!!

****

G: Okay….okay. On to our first letter!

****

F: Okay! It says: _Hey guys! Did you two ever actually do each other? I know that's incest, but me and my women here would love to know if you both did anything like   
that. Also.... I have a couple of women who would love to be there to   
participate...  
bump n' grind   
mississippi._

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G: What the hell? What is wrong with these muggles?

****

F: Well Bump n' Grind, I don't intend to ever get it on with my brother. Even if he is devilishly handsome.

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G: Gah!!!!! Don't josh like that!

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F: Why not you sexy thing!

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G: All right that's it! ~proceeds to beat Fred repeatedly with his fist~

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F: Wow? How did you do that?

****

G: Do what?

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F: The action thing. ::points::

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G: Don't know. ~shrugs~

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F: Anyway…….uh hmmmm….let me just search through the reviews they are less scary. Ah, here we are this is from Joel who says: _slurp* mmmmm... rage.... my favorite flavor. And this isn't sissy watered down stuff either. This is the good sh*t. Pure...unadulterated...rage. Coolness._

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G: ……..

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F: I don't know. I am at a loss for words.

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G: Are all our readers mad!? I mean honestly!

****

F: Calm down. Let me see here this looks promising. It says: _Dear Boys, I love your show. I read it all the time. _

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G: Normal so far

****

F: _I was also so happy to be a guest on it. It was quite an honor. For thanks here is a dozen roses. : )_

****

G: Aww. Isn't that sweet.

****

F: _I hope we can meet again soon. I really would like to get to know you lads better. I enclose a picture of me in my happy smiley face boxers, for your viewing pleasure. See you soon. Cheers, Voldemort_

****

G: ARGH!

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F: Some one kill me now. Please.

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G: Let me pick the next one! 

****

F: Be my guest! It's not like I write these!

****

G: All right…let's see….aha! This looks promising

****

F: We keep saying that.

****

G: ... _Dear Fred and George,_

I totally love Fred & George live, it is sooo cool! Fred I love you, your sooo cute!!! And George seeing as you guys are identical I **guess** _you're just as drop dead gorgeous as he is. Any way Fred I miss you so much, well love ya and continue to do Fred & George Live. _

Love you Fred, 

Sincerely,

Kalinda Lockwood

****

F: Hahahaha! I am _so_ cute! And you are just a sad attempt at a clone!

****

G: Why is my name in a smaller font?

****

F: Is the way of the world bro. I am just sexier. Deal with it.

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G: How the hell can you be sexier? We're twins!

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F: Just deal with it clone!

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G: Grrr. Whatever. I can't take this anymore.

****

F: Just two more letters left.

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G: Gimme!

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F: Grabby….hmph.

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G_: Dear Fred and George, I have been reading your show faithfully for all 6 episodes. I am a big fan, and especially liked the way you set your little brother up. Please do try to get Harry and Ginny together next. However I am extremely dismayed that you have not had a single appearance, or even any mention, of Nigel. Including him in your program would, i am sure, increase viewing of your show a great deal. i personally know about a dozen people that would watch your show if you even had a brief moment of Nigel, let alone a whole episode devoted to his beauty. Why the ratings would go through the roof. So, pretty, pretty please!!!!!!!! Please!!!!!!! Please put Nigel on the show. I will be your salve forever if you do. Sincerely, Mary Morgoth _

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F: Finally a slightly normal letter!

****

G: Who's Nigel?

****

F: Nevermind that. The poor girl is delusional. Now about Harry and Ginny, we will see what we can do. But the two are very shy.

****

G: Nigel…..I know that name.

****

F: Of course. Half of England is named Nigel!

****

G: Well Mary we will look for this Nigel person and interview him. Must be some muggle idol or something.

****

F: Maybe like that Ricky Martin bloke Hermione was jabbering on about.

****

G: Nigel doesn't sound Puerto Rican. Livin' La Vida Nigel! Heehee.

****

F: Just shut up clone!

****

G: Stop calling me that!

****

F: Well ladies and gents we have only one more letter left to read. I know it is sad to go, but-

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G: You all are mad anyway!

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F: George! He's just jealous because I'm the cute one.

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G: We're twins!!!!

****

F: Anyway, this last letter says: _Dear F&G, I was wondering if you could interview Elijah. He is so hot. And if you interview him, could I be on the show too? So I could see him and make love to him and molest him and then take him home cover him in brownie batter and spank him with a live chicken. Please!!!!!!!!!!!! Love, Ishtar_

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G: That's it! I quit! You people are all nutters! ::storms out the room::

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F: Hehehe. Um, well thank you for tuning in. Um, send in your comments and letters and uh…….George! Get back here clone!

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Author's Notes: Review! Likey? Teehee. Am on crack.


	8. Did It All For The Ratings

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Author's Notes: This episode is dedicated to Lodessa. For she was the one who gave me the idea for it. Um, well, hope you enjoy and don't get offended. I always have to write that. Some people are touchy. This is all in fun. PS Nigel Moon is my character from my story The Green Flame Torch.

Chapter 8: Did It All For The Ratings

****

Fred: Hullo! And Welcome back to another roaring adventure with us on Fred and George Live!

****

George: Today we have a special treat for you. Yes we do listen to our fan mail ladies and gents.

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Fred: Today we have, just for Mary Morgoth, Nigel!!!!!!!!!!!

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George: Yes, here he is. Say hi.

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Nigel: Hi.

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Fred: Apparently he is a student at Hogwarts, not a Ricky Martin. He is in Hufflepuff and in his fourth year.

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George: He looks kinda like Cedric. Anyone ever tell you that?

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Nigel: I get that a lot.

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Fred: Maybe he is like you George. Like you are my clone, Nigel is Cedric's.

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George: Only difference is Cedric's a big bulky seventeen year old and Nigel is well not………..Hey I'm not your clone!

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Ginny: Oy boys! I just got a letter from mum and …..eek! Nigel!

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Nigel: Hi Ginny.

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Ginny: Um, hi uh heeheeheehee.

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Fred: You okay?

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Ginny: Yes I'm heehee fine.

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George: Good. Now go away!

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Fred: No wait! Remember we have to hook her up with Arr-hey.

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George: Oh right………Ginny love, come in.

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Fred: Where's Harry?

****

Ginny: Playing Quidditch with Ron.

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George: Where?

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Ginny: I have no idea.

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George: I don't feel like finding him, Fred.

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Fred: Then who will we get to romance our sister?

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Ginny: Fred!

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Fred: Quiet girl, we are determining the outcome of your love life.

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Ginny: Honestly.

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George: Well……………Nigel! How about you go sit next to Ginny.

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Fred: Yes, Nigel! Please sit next to her, as close as possible.

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Nigel: Um, okay.

****

Fred: Now Nigel, do you have a girlfriend?

****

Nigel: Well, no.

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George: A straping young man like you is single?

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Ginny: Are you hitting on him?

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George: Shut up Gin or no lovin' for you!

****

Ginny: Pardon?

****

Fred: Anyway, Nigel, do you by chance fancy anyone?

****

Nigel: Well, sort of.

****

George: Is she a red head, preferably related to us, sitting next to you?

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Ginny: GEORGE!

****

Nigel: Uh, well………um.

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Fred: It's okay you can tell us.

****

Nigel: Well, actually it isn't.

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George: You bastard! How could you say that? She's sitting right next to you!!!!!!!

****

Nigel: But, I didn't want to lie!

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Fred: Oh sure break her poor heart, you heartless twit!

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Ginny: Actually I'm okay. I don't really fancy him.

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Fred: Sure you do! Every girl does. He is Cedric's clone! The mini Cedric.

****

George: Yeah everyone loves the Mini C!

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Nigel: Mini C?

****

George: You don't like it?

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Nigel: No.

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George: Tough! You are chucking our sister! We don't care if you don't like your new name, Mini C!

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Nigel: But, I wasn't even going out with her!

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Ginny: Boys, honestly. I fancy Harry, remember!

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George: Harry?

****

Fred: Oh yeah……..

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George: Oh well then, you are forgiven Mini C.

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Nigel: Nigel.

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George: I like Mini C better.

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Fred: Me too.

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Nigel: I don't.

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Fred: You don't have a say, it's our show!

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Nigel: …..okay.

****

George: Now what will we do now? I mean Mini C was supposed to be the topic of this episode and the stupid boy isn't even interested in our sister!

****

Ginny: You don't have to say it like that.

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George: Quiet Gin, we're thinking!

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Fred: Mini C, who _do_ you fancy?

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Nigel: I don't want to tell you.

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Fred: Why not?

****

Nigel: Because……

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George: Because nothing! We were supposed to have a boost in our ratings because of you! Do something! Confess anything! Even if you fancy Draco Malfoy! Just say something interesting!

****

Nigel: I don't fancy blokes. Least of all Malfoy!

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George: Why not? He's so pretty.

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Nigel: Um, I think I want to leave.

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Fred: No stay look um………..what will we do?

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George: I mean you won't tell us who you fancy so we can't necessarily play the match making game and some many girls fancy you that it would be hard to figure out who it is.

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Ginny: Why not just give him to the highest bidder. Teehee.

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F&G: ………………hehehehehehehehehehe

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Nigel: I don't like the sound of that.

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George: Brilliant Ginny!

****

Ginny: I was joshing.

****

Fred: Hear ye! Hear ye! Girls of Hogwarts! We are having an auction! That's right! A human auction! Of who you say? None other then Mini C! Or who you know better as Nigel Demetrius Winthrope-Moon the third! Yes girls! Report to the sixth year boy's dorm in the Gryffindor tower, right now, and bid on this fascinating specimen of manhood.

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Nigel: I don't want to be auctioned!

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George: Sure you do!

****

Nigel: No I don't! Let me go! Untie me!!!!

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Ginny: I bid 20 knuts!

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Fred: Ginny you are the only girl here….and I thought you didn't fancy him. 

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Ginny: Well maybe not as a boyfriend, but he's still hot.

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Nigel: Argh….

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Fred: Alright! Here that girls!? Yup! 20 knuts already down for Nigel….better hurry!

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Sally-Anne: 50!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Nigel: Oh no…….

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Fred: Ah….look it's the Hufflepuff fourth years. Thank you Sally-Anne Perks. 50! Now, do I hear 55?

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Susan: 70!

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Fred: Thank you Susan Bones

****

Nigel: Girls! Sally-Anne! Save me! I thought I was your best friend!

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Sally-Anne: You are, but right now,you are just a sex object, so be quiet bitch while I bid!

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Nigel: Help me!!!!!!!!

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Hannah: 100!

****

George: Wow! Hannah Abbot is placing the high bids now!

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Sally-Anne: 110!

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Fred: Oooo got some competition.

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Mandy: 170! 

****

Fred: Wow! Thank you Mandy Brocklehurst. I guess the Ravenclaws have arrived.

****

Nigel: Hannah! Come on! You are the voice of reason. Please help me out of here.

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Hannah: I'm trying!

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Nigel: I didn't mean by biding on me! Untie me!

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Parvati and Padma: 200!

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George: Ah the Patil twins both chipping in at 200.

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Padma: We heard Nigel was tied up. 

****

Parvati: We couldn't resist

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George: Twins want you Nigel. Don't you feel special?

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Nigel: I feel dirty.

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Hannah: 220!

****

George: Oh she is not letting go. Seems like Sally Anne is chipping in, as is Susan. Those Hufflepuffs sure stick together.

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P&P: 250!

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Lavender: 280!

****

Fred: Thank you Lavender Brown. Do I hear 290?

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George: The Gryffindors are in on it now!

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Nigel: Someone please save me!!

****

Cho: 350!

****

Fred: Hey….aren't you taken?

****

Cho: Well, he looks like a little Cedric. I can have two can't I?

****

S-A: Oh my god! She's a genius! Can we bet on Cedric too?

****

Cho: Girl,you touch, you die!

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S-A: Yes almighty Chang….my bad.

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Nigel: Cho, please let me go. Please!!!

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Cho: In a minute sweety. Just let me own your bod first.

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Nigel: ~whimpers~

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Harry: What's going on here?

****

Fred: Nothing, just a little auction. Do I hear 360?

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Ron: Over what?

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George: Nigel.

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Nigel: Harry! Ron! Help me!

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Harry: We can't! The girls are blocking the way!

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Hermione: 370!

****

H&R&N: Hermione!?

****

George: Wow! Wait………don't you fancy Ron?

****

Fred: Or aren't you going out with him? I swear that is what I read in a past episode.

****

Hermione: Yeah, well, this is before that episode and besides….Nigel has a cute bum.

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Ron: Grrrr…….alright Nigel you're going down!

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Nigel: But, Ron, please. It's not my fault!

****

Fred: Do I hear 380?

400!

420!

450!

460!

The Letter 7!

470!

500!

****

Fred: Wow! Cho and Hermione are really stubborn. Do I hear 510?

****

S-A: Hold on…let me count all the money I've got.

****

Fred: No can do. Going once…….going twice.

****

S-A&S&H: 733!

****

George: Woah! The Hufflepuffs are back in the game! All three have chipped in for Nigel's lovin'. 

****

Fred: Do I hear 740?

****

A Voice: 5000!

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Nigel: Holy shit! Who said that?

****

A Voice: Me.

****

Fred: D-Draco Malfoy?

****

Nigel: No….No!!!! Let me go!!!! Quick someone call me a professor!!!!!!

****

George: Okay….you're a professor.

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Nigel: WHAAAA!!!!

****

Fred: Um…..do I hear 5010? Going once.

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Nigel: No way in hell am I gonna be Malfoy's bitch! No!!!

****

Fred: Going twice.

****

Nigel: Please….anyone else!! Sally? Hannah? Hermione? Ginny? Cho? Susan? Please……

****

Fred: Sold! To Draco Malfoy for 5000! 

****

Hermione: No!

****

S-A&S&H: Whaaaa!!!!

****

Cho: You can't have him!

****

Draco: Come on Moon, I got some candles and brownie batter waiting for us back in my room.

****

Nigel: No! No!!!!!!! Holy mother of all that is sacred, save me!

****

Draco: Ain't happening tonight bitch! Muahahahaha!

****

Fred: Uh….well that didn't go as planned.

****

George: What are you whining about? We racked up 5000 knuts!

****

Fred: Oh yeah…the hell with the little bastard!

****

George: Yeah! He didn't want our sister! Good riddance!

****

Fred: Hehehehe….girls why are you glaring at us like that?

****

George: Uh girls?

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Fred: Ahh!! George run!

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George: Tune in next time! If we are still alive, that is! AAAAAARRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	9. Attack Of The Twins

__

Author's Notes: Has been a while. So here is a little fun with our favorite twins!!!! Hope you enjoy it! I just want to say now . . . I am a hardcore Star Wars fan. So, don't jump all over me please. Is all in fun. Star Wars and Harry Potter are most obviously not owned by me. Thank you sooo much to the wonderful people who have sent in fan mail to the twins and have reviewed! You guys keep me going! Thank you soooo much!

****

Episode 9: Attack of The Twins

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Fred: HI! Welcome back! We are alive and well.

****

George: Yes and here for another fun in the sun with Fred and George LIVE!

****

Fred: We are here, coming to you live from the cinema. Hermione said we just had to see this new moovee that came out.

****

George: And for some reason we had to wear Karate Gi's. It is some great Muggle phenomenon called, _Star Wars_.

****

Fred: Yes and apparently we got here late because they are only playing episode two. ~hits drum and cymbal~

****

George: I had this feeling we came into the middle of the story. I was lost pretty much throughout the whole film. 

****

Fred: As was I. Is hard to follow a plot, when it is non-existent.

****

George: How true.

****

Fred: Well just so you all know what we experienced we will give you a play by play of the action.

****

George: First we went into the theatre and ordered this fluffy stuff called popcorn, and tried to be like the Yanks and put hot flavored oil on it so it tasted better, but it didn't.

****

Fred: We found our seats and then the real brain hurting began. 

****

George: It starts out with these, well, people and they are arriving, then the girl blows up, but it wasn't really her, and uh, she was still alive, but one of the clones was her guard, but he was really the assassin or was he a clone?

****

Fred: What?

****

George: The guard: was he a clone or the assassin?

****

Fred: What are you going on about?

****

George: Never mind. Then, . . .uh this young apprentice wizard kid with a glowy sword thing is all googly eyed for the girl who blew up, but didn't.

****

Fred: Yes, so they get sent off together in a completely contrived plot device so that they fall in love, though it is forbidden.

****

George: ~gasp~ Then they roll in the hay.

****

Fred: It was in a field of flowers! Not hay! There was no hay involved!

****

George: Whatever, then they frolicked through a field of flowers.

****

Fred: I don't remember the frolicking. 

****

George: Well, the boy's wizard teacher, Obehave-Kenoli or something, went and found these Aussies who all looked like this bloke and they were in white outfits and became this geezer named Dukoo's Death Eaters, only with style!

****

George: And meanwhile the wizard kid is all with his bird and they shag by the fireside.

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Fred: Stop making up stuff!

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George: Sorry. That must have been when I fell asleep. Hehehe. I must of dreamt up that part. And come to think of it, the kid wasn't with her. I was!….. Ah, good times

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Fred: Anyhow, the girl has this skill to have a different outfit on in each scene. 

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George: Where does she keep it all, I ask you!

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Fred: Maybe she has them in those capsules, that when you put in water and they get bigger.

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George: Right…...

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Fred: Well she is a fit bird and shouldn't really be with that whiny git, but she is anyway. 

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George: And the baddie is the goodies leader, but not really, and the baddie is the lacky for the goodies bad leader, only not. Wait, my head just exploded.

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Fred: Speak English!

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George: I am! Oh, my favorite part was when they all got chained up and the girl's shirt got ripped off.

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Fred: Am still trying to figure out, if that tiger thing had slashed her back, how is it her sleeve and the mid region of her shirt got ripped off?

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George: Who cares she was getting naked for me! Then they fought a lot and the lights went out and this little green man comes in and whoops You-Know Who's ass!

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Fred: You Know Who was most definately not in the moovee!

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George: Well, he should have been. And the boy was whining cuz his mummy died and he went mental and killed all these people on respirators and all he got in the end was a metal arm. Maybe we shouldn't let Harry see this film.

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Fred: Anyhow, I think that is it. Oh and the boy and his woman get married and she is for some reason wearing a doily.

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George: His metal arm would make for a kinky honeymoon, no?

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Fred: I am just going to ignore you . . .clone.

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George: I AM NOT YOUR CLONE!

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Fred: Well, considering the plot of the moovee you very well could be. Wait, a bolt of lightening just struck me.

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George: That must hurt.

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Fred: Is pure genius I tell you! A whole army of Georges! And with them, I could. . .dare I say it? TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

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George: . . . As I was saying, I didn't understand a thing that went on in the moovee, but it was still oddly enough entertaining.

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Fred: Yes! I give it two wands up!

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George: Here, here!

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Fred: Now we are off to see another film with Ron. We didn't tell him the title was Spiderman. Ahahahaha!

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George: Tune in next time mates! With more love, action, excitement, sex, drugs, and rock and roll, then you can shake a slash fic at!

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Fred: Yes, and maybe later you could read our show. 

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George: The force will be with you. Always. 

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Fred: Goodnight.


	10. Preamble

A/N: Sorry it has been half a year since the last episode. ~bows for forgiveness~ Anyhoo, hope you enjoy! Thanks to all who have reviewed. Episode 10: Preamble 

**George:** It has been a long time since our last installment. But, we are back with another FRED AND GEORGE LIVE!

**Fred:** Yes folks we are back and ready to spread the love. But, first we have something very serious and sad to share.

**George:** Yes. We aren't going to be doing many more of these Fred and George Live Episodes. But, we hope to make the last few our best.

**Fred:** So send in your letters, reviews, underwear, and sacrificial animals to vlsnape@yahoo.com for our final episodes!

**George:** Whaaaaa!

**Fred:** Get a grip man! *smacks George*

**George:** Sorry.

**Fred:** Now that we have gotten through that tough part we can start today's amazing and awe inspiring episode in which we are interviewing someone we have never interviewed before, but whom we know you all want to hear from. Yes, Crookshanks!

**George:** Welcome to the show Crookshanks!

**Crookshanks:** Meow.

**Hermione:** Boys! What are you doing with my cat all dressed up in a suit?

**Fred:** We are interviewing him! Do you mind?

**Hermione**: What can he positively have to say?

**Crookshanks:** Meow.

**George:** See! You heard for yourself! He very plainly said meow. Now please leave us be.

**Hermione:** You boys are running out of ideas aren't you?

**George:** Yes. *weeps *

**Hermione:** Oh don't cry. I am sure you can think of something. How about another auction?

**Fred:** Not good enough. It's been done. This time it would need something more spectacular for the readers. Probably involving strippers with flamethrowers and really I don't think we can afford that.

**Hermione:** Is that really necessary for an auction?

**Fred:** No but, wouldn't that be bloody wicked!

**Hermione:** Er, sure.

**George:** Well it's not like we haven't been trying. We had the interview with a vampire idea, but that fell through. Lighting issues.

**Fred:** And we wanted to do the: "Sell Your Siblings to a Needy Country" contest, but that didn't fly well with mum.

**Hermione:** I see. How about getting Harry and Ginny together like you promised?

**Fred:** No can do.

**Hermione:** Why?

**George:** They would just sit next to each other and be practically catatonic. Honestly, I don't know how either of them will ever have children. 

**Fred:** I don't really want to think about that.

**George:** But, really they would be so cordial and be all, "What do you want to do honey?" "Oh, what ever you want." "Oh, well can I be on top tonight?" "Only if you really want."

**Fred:** Please tell me we are not really related.

**Hermione:** Um, how about MST3king a fanfic story?

**Fred:** Maybe.

**George:** Actually, yeah! I bet we could do that!

**Fred:** Yeah! We are two wild and crazy guys!

**George:** You're a genius Hermione!

**Hermione:** Thanks.

**Fred:** I'll go find a fic. *runs off *

**George:** I wonder what he'll get.

**Fred:** I found one! Is a cheesy ficlet on James and Lily.

**George:** Brilliant!

**_1977- Winter Break- Seventh Year_**

_James stood on a stool while he was being fitted into a blue formal robe. He had been dragged to Diagon Alley by Lily to go shopping. _

**George:** Uh yeah, dragged, um yeah.

_He did need a formal robe for Xenia's parent's ball, but still he didn't see why she asked him. Why not Xenia? Or Imogen? He tried to look on the bright side. _

**Fred:** But it blinded him

_At least he got to see Lily try on pretty robes._

_            Lily came running out of the dressing room, for the third time, in a green silk formal robe, with vines embroidered on the sleeves and hem in black. She looked pretty, but a bit like the Irish flag with her hair so orange, James thought._

**George:** I bet that's not all he was thinking about

_            "So, what about this one?" she asked spinning around._

_            "I don't know," he mumbled, "The white one looked better on you."_

_            "Yeah," she sighed, "But I looked like I was getting married."_

**Fred:** Uh, I bet you could say something really funny about that.

**George:** Yeah.

_            "Done, Mr. Potter," said the Tailor, "You can step down and change."_

**Fred:** George?

**George:** Yeah.

**Fred:** We suck at this.

**George:** Yes. *weeps *

**Fred:** We are comedic failures!

**Hermione:** No you're not. You just have hit a dry spell.

**George:** Really?

**Hermione:** Yes. I am sure something will tickle your fancy.

**George:** I'll tickle your fancy baby . . . Where the hell did that come from?

**Hermione:** I worry about you sometimes.

**Fred:** You and me both.

**George:** All right, well, we will think really really really hard. I promise!

**Fred:** Yes we will make the best episodes of  F&G Live ever!

**Hermione:** That's the spirit!

**Fred:** We will pull out all the stops!

**George:** Harry and Ginny will be together damnit!

**Hermione:** Yes!

**Fred:** Auctions of eligible boys and girls of all shapes, sizes, colors, and frenchness will be on display!

**George:** Nigel will return to be molested even more!

**Fred:** The moral of stories will not only be that Hermione and Voldie are a bad couple but that Voldie and Dumbledore are as well!

**George:** Evil snakey men in diaries and the women who love them will stop by!

**Fred:** Seas will split! Pigs will fly!

**George:** The lion will lay down with the sheep!

**Fred:** And strippers will have flamethrowers or my name's not Alfred Hitchcock.

**Hermione:**  It's not.

**Fred:** Never mind! We'll have a stupendous finale!

 **F&G**: Stay tuned!


	11. Dazed and Confused

_A/N: Yes has been a millennia. My humble apologies._

**Episode: 11 Dazed and Confused**

**Fred:** Hello boys and girls!

**George:** Welcome to Fred and George the NEXT Generation!

**Fred:** Has been a while we know…sorry.

**George:** Anyhoo since then sooooo much has happened.

**Fred:** Oh yes!

**George:** We are no longer at Hogwarts!

**Fred:** No, we dropped that school like a drunken prom date.

**George:** Indeedy.

**Fred:** Besides the school was going to hell.

**George:** Umbridge was being all evil with her kittens and stuff.

**Fred:** Yeah and Harry was acting weird.

**George:** Yeah…mates it's serious!

**Fred:** Harry went angsty on us!

**George:** Yes, Harry is now…..Emo!

**Fred:** I know it is hard to grasp, but damn.

**George:** The boy whines and screams and then whines some more.

**Fred:** _'Oh I am so sad cuz my mum died and people are trying to kill me!'_

**George:** Like we don't all have our problems.

**Fred:** Yeah, nancy boy.

**George:** And he got a girlfriend but -I don't know. Why does Harry have to kiss girls when they cry? To add to his emoness?

**Fred:** Yeah and Ron and Hermione have absolutely no sexual tension whatsoever.

**George:** None.

**Fred:** I have a theory that when they were in Sirius' mum's house they got it on and released it all…Hehehehe. Wait! Ron got action before I did? I'm a failure as a man!

**George:** There, there.

**Fred:** Just give me a minute.

**George:** Oh! Sirius died in the lamest way possible!

**Fred:** _'Oops I fell through a curtain.'_

**George:** WTF mate!

**Fred:** I fear for next year

**George:** Will Harry stop whining?

**Fred:** Will Ron and Hermione actually be lovey dovey for once?

**George:** Will Cho stop crying, for five minutes, so I can bitch slap her, and tell her to get a freakin' life, because Cedric is gone, and Harry can't replace him, and she should stop being so needy and clingy and stuff!

**Fred:** Whoa.

**George:** Sorry . . . woooosaaaaaa-woooosaaaaa.

**Fred:** George let's go whine over a pint.

**George:** Eh….sounds good to me.

**Fred:** Cheers!


End file.
